Let’s go to the beach, each, let’s go get away

7 Jul

Saying no to a baby who can’t hear is fairly ineffective. I know the sign for no but given that when he’s sinking his 8 sharp teeth into my shoulder I’m using my right arm to hold him signing isn’t much use either. My husband suggested flicking him on the nose but I’m not sure where the boundary lies between discipline and child abuse. I certainly look as if I am the victim of some form of abuse having returned from a holiday in the sun with bite mark shaped bruises all over my upper arm. Fifty Shades of Grey meets Twilight – oh wait that is Fifty Shades of Grey.

We went to Arenal d’en Castell in Menorca for the first time in 6 years. Having taken both girls when they were 1 we thought the baby would love it as much as they did. Unfortunately we hadn’t factored in the fact that they were bottom shufflers and he is a commando crawler so instead of shuffling happily down the beach he was face down, sand sticking to his sun lotion, mouth filled with grit. The sea wasn’t much better. Although he loves splashing in the bath at home he was less taken by its sandy equivalent and we, torn between leaving his hearing aids safely back in the villa to encourage him to go into the sea and leaving them in so that we could talk to him, were happier holding him, in spite of his cannibal tendencies.

The girls on the other hand loved both beach and sea. I didn’t feel as though I had changed much since we were last there until I saw the difference in the almost ten year old, horribly self conscious, spending hours doing her hair before sashaying down to the beach in her bikini singing ‘we’re going to the beach, each, let’s go get away’ a la Nicki Minaj (thankfully still oblivious to the actual meaning of the more risque lyrics). In contrast the 7 year old was happily jumping over waves, squealing with excitement and making friends with anyone who would talk to her. It’s as though those three years are the difference between innocence and experience. Watching the girl who was four last time we were there, hair in bunches, so clearly now a tweenager made me feel about a hundred. I have to confess to feeling a certain amount of empathy with Snow White’s evil stepmother.

Back home she’s already on to boyfriend number 2. I had no idea what having a boyfriend entailed at the age of 9 but felt that it was perhaps time for ‘the chat’. I needn’t have bothered. When I took her to one side and asked gently if she knew what boyfriends did to girlfriends she looked at me quizzically and said ‘dump them?’ It would appear her innocence has not gone quite yet in spite of her almost word perfect rendition of Starships which to her horror I tried to counter with an equally word perfect rendition of Bad Boys by Wham!. Looking back on it when I was singing that in front of my parents it didn’t mean that I actually identified with ‘easy girls and late nights’ or indeed thought that ‘cigarettes and love bites’ were in any way desirable. The only love bites I’ve ever had are currently on my upper arm courtesy of my 11 month old deaf baby.


2 Responses to “Let’s go to the beach, each, let’s go get away”


  1. One Year On – We really ARE copying with the deaf diagnosis. Yay! « Sleepless in silence in suburbia - September 25, 2012

    […] and experts who poke things in his ears to tell us what he could hear. On our flight back from Menorca I was singing ‘clap, clap handies’ and to my astonishment he started clapping. On holiday in […]

  2. Losing our baby. Nine years on… « Sleepless in silence in suburbia - December 3, 2012

    […] Our saving grace at that time was an excruciating video of Sing-Along-Songs which I bought as a first time mother, ashamed that I didn’t know the words, let alone the actions, to Wind the Bobbin Up and Miss Polly Had a Dolly.  Poor production values and dreadful clothes aside that nursery rhyme video (interestingly produced by Grant Bovey) so entranced our first born that my elderly parents were able to pop her in front of it for hours at a time while my husband visited me in hospital.  Such was her obsession I assumed that 9 years on she would remember it with affection but as I blew off the dust and popped it into the ancient video recorder with tears in my eyes she just looked appalled and resumed surfing YouTube on the iPad. […]

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